A Strike From The Past: The Man Who Brave Enough

I had a dream last night. There was this guy that I once adored when in the middle school. I passed by his home, then his wife called me to come in. He saw me, and told his wife, ‘you don’t need to do this’.

What is wrong here?

After that, she asked my name are you Larissa, then she showed me a photograph. It was me and a couple of friends in it. Fast forward, I saw a lot of picture of me in her laptop and I realized that she had been stalking me for quite some time. Then, my friend—the guy I mentioned—told that why didn’t we—me and him—start any talk back later that time?

So maybe, his wife has a feeling that her husband ever has a crush on me and never be brave enough to say it to me. She didn’t want to accept it even after this time they got married and have a kid, because it just distracted her mind, then she stalked me.

Can’t deny that I feel a bit happy to know that he—the guy—liked me too, actually

But then

I said to him and her

To be honest, I once adored you back then. I can’t talk because I was not the type of girl who do the first talk to a guy—especially I liked. But, look at now... you got married, I got too. You just had a kid, a handsome one. Soon, I will have it one too. So just, let it go of the past. Everything has changed. We are moved on.

Then I awake

Look at my husband’s face, asleep

And... I know
I see the man who brave enough to talk to me
The man who brave enough to ask my daddy
The man who brave enough to bring her family to meet mine
The man who brave enough to make a commitment
The man who brave enough to marry me
The man who brave enough to take responsible on me—taking over my daddy’s—which is not an easy thing
The man who brave enough to work hard to fulfill my needs, our little family needs
The man who brave enough to accept me just the way I am

Even though I know that he’s only human in the end—we are only human—an amateur in life, he’s brave enough to do it all, to take risks
With all of his limits and weaknesses

How can I do such thing called cheating or even thinking about my crushes from the past because at the end, they were not brave enough?

Nah, not like that,
I think, they supposed to be brave enough
Only, it was just...
It’s just actually as simple as...
I and all my crushes just weren’t meant to be

Even I try to think about 'did I make a wrong/right decision back then?'
Nah, nothing to lose, though

But hey, by the way,
Kenapa gue sering dapet mimpi dari orang-orang di masa lalu dan bikin gue baper bangun-bangunnya ya??
It’s annoying somehow