One day, the day you left for college and about to go student exchange in another island we've been never before, you asked me if I wanna change our 'shoes' or not. Nervous, huh?
My mind is flashing back like a fast train to my high school and college life. When I have dreams. I dreamed about going far, going abroad exactly. When I feel like I have a chance that I can go whenever I want. Learn as much as I want, without fearing anything. Ya know, freedom of everything in the name of 'it's a learning' or 'it's college/school thing'. I didn't take more advantages back then. Idk it's just like there's something that keeps holding me back, so I often pull my intentions to do more. Now it's just, 'oh if only I could be more rebel one', or, 'oh if only I could be brave enough', so I could get the (in this case) subject that I really wanted, things I wanted to learn and enjoy the most. But I always listen to people. I always mind what people think about and it's the problem. Cuz now I learned that once they heard, they never get enough. Whose life is falling apart now? Mine. I wasted my time in my life fulfilling other people's mind. And failed. They doubt with what they made me listen to them. Feels so unfair and it's a bitter truth for me. I always listen to them and I failed. I never reach their expectations. Whose life is falling apart now? My life. I wasted my time in my life fulfilling other people's mind. And failed. And now they never get proud of me. And I think I'm done, listening to people.
So, in my age now, if you ask as if I wanna change our shoes or not, it's absolutely a yes. I'm always about to runaway from my life right now actually (don't tell anyone 🤭). Cuz it seems like, I fail in so many ways. Because I always feel like I'm not done with myself. There is nothing that worked well. Idk maybe it's just like my life cycle is rolling down right now 🤷🏻♀️ But this is my reality. I have to face my reality, though. And I want to make it right.
So then I tell you not to give up. You know this things are what you ever wanted. I wanted it too though. It's so heart-breaking to see if you stop. Because you have the privilege to chose this and you got all of it; the courage, the blessings, the permissions. You even told to not be worry of anything, just focus on your study and manage it well. You'll face this, experience this, and done this. These are dreams of many people. My dreams too, of course I wanna walk in your shoes. So do everything while you can. Remember being this young is art. Keep the boundaries. Don't mind what other people say. Live your life to the fullest. Dating a boy is highly not recommended from me though, as you'll be forced to get married as soon as possible 🤣 (of course there'll be 'unless' with terms and conditions, but, still I don't recommend it) Don't be like me. You can be waaaay better. You have to. Learn as much as you can. I'll tell everything if you ask, especially what's not to do. You're doing great so far. So don't stop.
Because I envy you, and it's heart-breaking if you don't learn and enjoy these priviliges.
Even at some part I wanna change mine into yours, at the other part, still, I want to keeping mine. Best believe I'm still bejeweled, though 😁
Remember...
You
Got
This
With love,
L
